Sometimes you reach a point where you realise you are living according to the expectations of society and loved ones, rather than your own. You repeat the same reactions, make the same decisions and feel the same dissatisfaction. The path towards understanding yourself begins with recognising that ‘something needs to change’. I am here to help you explore what that might be.
The wish to rediscover yourself sometimes becomes clearer when your family is close by, yet you still feel lonely, or when your children leave home and everyday life and your role as a parent change. Either experience can invite you to listen more closely to your own needs, values and wishes.
Epictetus: ‘First say to yourself what you would be; then do what you have to do.’
Three main approaches in my work
In my practice, I bring together three main ways of working with clients, each with its own strengths. Together, they offer a rounded space for exploring and understanding yourself.
Integrative psychotherapy
Integrative psychotherapy is not one method in itself. It is an approach based on recognising that every person is unique and needs an individual response.
In my work, I draw on elements of several therapeutic approaches: cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), humanistic and existential therapy, psychodynamic approaches and mindfulness practices. This means I do not follow a single ‘right’ formula, but look for what suits each client. Some people want to understand earlier experiences and their connection with present behaviour. Others need practical tools for changing particular patterns. For others, having a space to be heard without being given advice is what matters most.
Art therapy
Sometimes words are not enough. Art therapy can offer a way to explore inner experience through creative expression.
Art therapy does not require artistic skills. Drawing, colour, collage, clay or other creative media can provide a bridge between experiences we can readily name and those that are harder to recognise. This can be especially useful when feelings are difficult to express in words, allowing something held deep inside to take form. Some clients first find a way to recognise previously hidden feelings or insights through these practices. The purpose is psychological exploration through another ‘language’, rather than producing artwork.
Self-understanding as part of everyday life
Understanding yourself is not a process confined to sessions. It is an ongoing practice, with elements we learn to bring into everyday life.
I will support you in learning to observe yourself without harsh judgement, recognise patterns and emotional triggers, understand your values and needs more clearly, and build authentic, supportive relationships. Greater self-understanding can influence many areas of life: relationships, work, creativity and your overall sense of wellbeing. The changes may be subtle at first, yet become more meaningful over time.
What the process of self-understanding can look like: 5 stages
The path towards understanding yourself is not a straight line. It is more like a spiral: we return to familiar themes and explore them at greater depth. Even so, our work often moves through these stages:
We get to know each other and discuss your goals and expectations. I explain how I work and answer your questions. Together, we consider whether working with me meets your needs.
The first few sessions focus on building a therapeutic relationship. I work to earn your trust and become someone you can speak to openly. We begin to understand which questions matter most to you.
Together, we explore your inner world: past experiences, beliefs, patterns of behaviour and more. We use different practices, including conversation, reflection exercises and elements of art therapy.
Insights can emerge as you feel safer. I will help you explore connections between past and present, and between emotions and behaviour. Integration means bringing these insights into your everyday life.
In the final stage, the aim is to feel more confident in yourself and your own sense of direction, with changes becoming more established. We discuss how you can continue exploring yourself independently.
What you may gain from exploring yourself
- Better emotional regulation: developing the ability to respond to strong feelings
- Clearer personal boundaries and healthier relationships with other people
- Stronger self-esteem and a less harsh inner critic
- Clearer values and goals, with decisions that better reflect who you are
- Discovering creativity and inner resources
- Greater authenticity with yourself and with others
- Finding meaning and enjoyment in everyday life
If exploring yourself mainly brings up self-criticism, I discuss in another article how to build self-esteem and stop putting yourself down. You will find practical examples of how to distinguish helpful self-reflection from hurtful self-criticism.
Practical questions for reflection: begin today
Understanding yourself does not happen only in a therapy room. Everyday reflection can be a valuable tool. Here are three questions you could write about, or simply think over before going to sleep:
What emotions have been with me today?
Try observing without judging. Which emotions appeared, when did they arise and how did you experience them?
What did I do mechanically or on ‘autopilot’ today?
Which actions or reactions happened without a conscious choice?
What gave me energy today? What drained it?
The things that energise or drain you can reveal a great deal about your values and needs.
Self-reflection is a little like training a muscle: at first it may feel difficult or unnatural, but regular practice can bring lasting benefits. In our sessions, I will help you find an approach that suits you as an individual.
What therapy focused on self-understanding is and is not
| Therapy focused on self-understanding IS | Therapy focused on self-understanding IS NOT |
|---|---|
| A safe space to explore yourself without judgement | Advice on how to live ‘correctly’ |
| Developing skills for understanding your emotions | An instant solution to problems |
| An individual pace and process | A standard ‘recipe’ for everyone |
| Understanding connections between past and present | Talking only about the past |
| Support and collaboration | Assuming the therapist knows you better than you do |
Frequently asked questions about self-understanding and how I work
Can I get in touch simply because I want to understand myself better?
Yes. You do not need to have a clearly defined problem. Therapy can be a space both to work through difficulties and to understand your feelings, reactions, needs and direction in life more deeply. Sometimes this understanding is what opens the way to meaningful change.
How long does the process of understanding yourself take?
Self-understanding is an ongoing process. The time needed depends on your goals, circumstances and needs, and we review progress together. Some clients work for a shorter period towards a specific goal; others choose longer-term support. In our first session, we will discuss your expectations and create an individual plan.
Do I need artistic skills for art therapy?
No, you do not. Art therapy is not about artistic technique or the finished result. It offers a way to express things that are difficult to put into words. You might draw, model clay, make collages or work with colour: the process matters more than the product. Your work will not be judged on its appearance.
What is integrative psychotherapy?
Integrative psychotherapy means drawing on several therapeutic approaches and choosing what best suits the individual and their circumstances. It does not assume there is one ‘correct’ method. We look for a combination that fits each client, because everyone is different.
What does a typical session focused on self-understanding involve?
Every session is different and depends on what you bring to it. We might talk, work with imagery or symbols, try reflection exercises, or use elements of art therapy. A session lasts 50 minutes. We follow your pace and do not push ahead faster than feels comfortable.
Can I work with you entirely online?
Yes, my sessions take place online. Sessions use Microsoft Teams, with joining instructions provided before your appointment. Research suggests that online therapy can offer comparable outcomes to in-person work for some needs and approaches, although it is not suitable for every situation. It can be especially convenient for people living outside major cities, working busy schedules or preferring to attend from home.
How can I tell whether work on self-understanding is right for me?
If you feel you are living on ‘autopilot’, repeating patterns that affect your relationships or psychological wellbeing, exploring yourself may help. Looking for deeper meaning, wanting to understand your values more clearly, or simply feeling that life could be more fulfilling are also valid reasons to seek support with self-understanding.
Every path towards change begins with a first step
Choosing to understand yourself takes courage. It means being willing to look at yourself without a mask and open doors that can feel frightening. I am here to accompany you with respectful attention, professionalism and warmth. The first step is getting in touch.
