If there is danger right now

If your teenager may harm themselves, has a suicide plan, is seriously injured or you cannot keep them safe, call Lithuania’s emergency number, 112, or go to your nearest emergency department. Do not wait for an email reply or a scheduled consultation.

Discovering that your teenager is self-harming can be frightening. Shock, anger, guilt or an urge to take immediate control are understandable reactions. Yet your first response can either open the door to conversation or lead them to hide more. What matters most is not responding perfectly, but responding in a way that protects their safety and does not shame them.

Self-harm is usually not a “trend”, “manipulation” or simply attention-seeking. It is a serious sign that a teenager cannot find other ways to cope with intense emotional distress, shame, anxiety, anger, emptiness or helplessness. Even if the injuries appear minor, take the situation seriously.

What is self-harm in teenagers?

Self-harm means deliberately hurting oneself, often in an attempt to relieve inner distress or regain a sense of control. This article deliberately does not describe methods of self-harm. Parents need to understand the emotional message rather than the technical details: their teenager is overwhelmed, and the coping strategies available to them are no longer enough.

International guidance emphasises the importance of a psychosocial assessment after self-harm, rather than punishment: understanding risk, circumstances, the teenager’s emotional state, the family context and the support needed next. The question is not only “How can we stop this behaviour?” but also “What is happening in this teenager’s life that makes this feel like a way to cope?”

How might you recognise that a teenager is self-harming?

Sometimes a teenager tells you directly. More often, parents notice indirect signs. One sign alone does not mean they are self-harming, but several together are a reason to talk and seek support.

  • your teenager covers their body in ways that do not match the weather, or avoids changing clothes or PE lessons;
  • unexplained injuries appear, with explanations that keep changing;
  • you notice marked withdrawal, irritability, expressions of hopelessness or talk of not wanting to live;
  • sleep, eating, schoolwork and relationships with friends and family deteriorate;
  • your teenager experiences bullying, sexual abuse, violence at home or intense social pressure;
  • self-harm recurs or becomes their main way of dealing with emotions.

Your first response: what can you do in the first few minutes?

1

Manage your panic, but take it seriously

Your response matters. Shouting, shaming or threatening may lead your teenager to withdraw. A calm tone does not mean the situation is minor. It means you can be an adult who helps them get through it.

2

Ask directly about safety

Ask: “Are you safe right now?” “Are you thinking about seriously harming yourself?” “Do you have a plan?” These questions do not create the risk. They help you understand whether urgent help is needed.

3

Express concern, not blame

Instead of “Why did you do that?”, try “I can see things are really hard for you, and I want to understand what is happening”. Your teenager may already feel deeply ashamed.

4

Agree on a plan for the next 24 hours

If there is no immediate danger, agree that your teenager will not face overwhelming feelings alone and that you will look for professional support together. If there is immediate danger, do not wait for a booked consultation; seek urgent help.

What can you say to a teenager who self-harms?

A helpful conversation begins with safety, rather than a lecture: your teenager needs to feel that you can hear something very difficult. This does not mean approving of self-harm. It means trying to understand the person before trying to control the symptom.

You could say

  • I can see how hard this is for you. I want to understand, not tell you off.
  • Thank you for telling me. What matters most to me is that you are safe.
  • Are you thinking about seriously harming yourself right now?
  • We can find help together. You do not have to carry all of this alone.
  • I can listen to whatever you need to tell me. I will not rush you.

Avoid saying

  • You just want attention.
  • How could you do this to us?
  • If you do it again, you will be punished.
  • Other people have it worse.
  • Promise you will never do this again.

Does self-harm mean there is a risk of suicide?

Not every teenager who self-harms wants to die. Self-harm is often a desperate attempt to reduce emotional pain. However, self-harm and suicide risk can overlap, so ask about this directly. Asking does not encourage suicide. It can bring relief because someone is finally willing to hear the truth.

Seek urgent help if your teenager:

  • says they do not want to live or has a suicide plan;
  • says goodbye, gives away possessions or writes farewell messages;
  • is intoxicated, very impulsive or cannot safely be left alone;
  • has recently experienced severe humiliation, bullying, violence, bereavement or a breakup;
  • has previously attempted suicide or had dangerous episodes of self-harm.

How can parents avoid relying only on control?

Parents often want to take away a phone immediately, ban contact with friends, search the room or monitor every movement. During acute risk, safety measures are sometimes necessary. Over time, however, control alone can increase secrecy. Teenagers need both boundaries and connection. With only control, they may learn to hide self-harm more effectively. With only “I trust you” and no safety plan, the risk remains too high.

The aim is not to force a promise of “never again”. It is to build a safer plan together: what they will do when overwhelming feelings arise; whom they will message; where they will go; which items they will avoid at those times; and what professional support they will receive.

When should you seek a psychologist’s help for teenage self-harm?

Seek psychological support as early as possible. Do not wait until the situation feels “serious enough”. Self-harm is already a sufficient reason for a consultation. A psychologist can help explore the role self-harm plays, which emotions are most difficult, which family or school factors contribute to distress and how to develop safer ways of coping.

Iveta Litvinienė works with teenagers aged 15–19 and their parents. Consultations take place online when the situation is not acute and privacy and safety can be maintained. Parents may sometimes find it helpful to start with a separate consultation: discussing what you have noticed, how to talk to your teenager and how to offer support without pressure. For a broader look at difficulties in adolescence, read about supporting teenagers through emotional challenges.

Where can you find help in Lithuania?

The right route depends on how urgent the situation is. What matters most is not facing it alone or waiting for your teenager to ask for help themselves.

If there is immediate danger

In Lithuania, call 112 or go to the nearest emergency department.

Mental health centre

Lithuania’s National Health Insurance Fund states that mental health centres provide psychosocial assessments for people at risk of suicide and emotional support for their loved ones. These services are free for insured patients registered with the centre, no referral is required, and urgent help is provided without waiting in the regular queue during the centre’s opening hours.

School

If there is a psychologist at your teenager’s school, you can discuss support within school with them. As the Lithuanian Centre for Inclusion in Education explains, parents can also contact their municipality’s educational psychological service directly.

Telephone support

In Lithuania, teenagers can talk anonymously to Vaikų linija on 116 111 or to the 24-hour Jaunimo linija on 0 800 28888. Tėvų linija supports parents on 0 800 90012. You can find helpline opening hours on the Pagalba sau website.

Support contacts checked for the Lithuanian article on 28 September 2026.

How can you suggest a psychological consultation to your teenager?

Teenagers often worry that a psychologist will “fix” them, report everything to their parents or embarrass them. Offer support as care rather than punishment. You could say: “I do not know how best to help you on my own, so I would like us to have someone who knows how to work with these difficulties.” If your teenager resists, start with a consultation for yourself. Sometimes a change in a parent’s approach is the first step towards easing tension at home.

If your teenager agrees, you can book through the contact page. If you are unsure whether online consultations are appropriate, briefly describe the situation and we can discuss whether the first step should be a parent consultation, a consultation for your teenager or urgent in-person help.

Frequently asked questions about teenage self-harm

What should I do first if I discover my teenager is self-harming?

First, attend to safety and speak calmly. Do not blame, punish or threaten them. Describe what you have noticed and ask whether they are safe right now. If there is an immediate threat to life or health, call 112 in Lithuania or go to an emergency department.

Does self-harm mean a teenager wants to die by suicide?

Not always. For some teenagers, self-harm is an attempt to relieve emotional distress rather than a wish to die. However, self-harm is always a serious signal, because risk can change. Ask about suicidal thoughts directly and calmly, without panic.

How can I ask a teenager about suicidal thoughts?

Ask simply and directly: “Do you ever think you no longer want to live?” or “Are you thinking about seriously harming yourself?” Asking directly does not encourage suicide; it can give a teenager the chance to say something they have kept hidden for a long time.

What should I avoid saying to a teenager who self-harms?

Avoid phrases such as “You just want attention”, “How could you do this?”, “Look what you are doing to the family”, or “If you do it again, I will take your phone away”. These responses often increase shame and secrecy. Focus instead on care and safety.

Should I remove everything a teenager could use to hurt themselves?

If the risk is acute, remove clearly dangerous items and do not leave the teenager alone. However, control alone will not resolve the longer-term problem. It is important to understand the emotional role self-harm is playing and involve a professional as soon as possible.

Can I promise a teenager complete secrecy?

No. You can promise respect and discretion, but you cannot promise to conceal a situation that puts their life or health at risk. Try saying: “I want to protect your privacy, but if you are not safe, we will need to find help together.”

When should I seek a psychologist’s help for a teenager’s self-harm?

Seek support whenever self-harm recurs, a teenager hides injuries, talks about hopelessness, no longer wants to attend school, withdraws from others, experiences bullying or panic attacks, or shows signs of depression. A suicide plan or immediate danger requires emergency help.

Are online psychological consultations suitable for a teenager who self-harms?

When the risk is not acute and privacy and safety can be maintained at home, an online consultation may be appropriate. If there is an immediate danger or the teenager cannot stay safe, urgent in-person help is needed.

Sources and guidance

A teenager needs a safe adult and support, not shame.

If you have noticed signs of self-harm, you do not have to face this alone. We can discuss how to talk to your teenager, understand the risk and identify the most appropriate route to support right now.

Get in touch about a consultation