When a teenager tells you they are being bullied, start by listening and making the next day safer. They do not need to become tougher before adults act. Work with them and their school to stop the behaviour and provide support.
If humiliation or fear follows them home, individual online psychological support can offer additional help from age 16. It complements the school’s response; a teenager should not have to attend counselling to earn protection.
Is it bullying, a disagreement or a joke?
Bullying involves unequal power and harmful behaviour that is repeated or could be repeated. Power can come from physical strength, social status or access to embarrassing information. A disagreement between peers on relatively equal terms is different, although a single threat still deserves attention. See the StopBullying.gov definition.
Calling something banter does not establish that it is welcome. Can your teenager ask for it to stop? What happens afterwards? Are they changing routes, giving up activities or handing over belongings to avoid further trouble? These questions are more useful than arguing about a label.
Make the first conversation manageable
Try: “Thank you for telling me. I want to understand what happened and what would help you feel safer.” Ask about the most recent incident, where it took place and whether a trusted adult was nearby. Allow pauses. Writing a short message or talking while walking may feel easier than sitting face to face.
Avoid asking why they did not defend themselves. Do not suggest retaliation or make the teenager responsible for being less noticeable. Guidance on supporting children involved advises against blaming the person targeted, telling them to ignore it or using forced peer mediation where power is unequal.
On a small screen, scroll sideways to read the table.
| An understandable impulse | A more useful question |
|---|---|
| “Just ignore them.” | “Which part of the day feels least safe?” |
| “Why did you not tell me?” | “What made it difficult to tell someone?” |
| “I will sort everything out tomorrow.” | “Let us agree who I will contact and what we will ask for.” |
Leave the school meeting with a workable plan
Prepare a brief account with dates, locations, actions and possible witnesses. Distinguish what you observed from what your teenager reported. Contact their class teacher, school psychologist or another designated member of staff, and ask who coordinates the response under the school’s policy.
- The next school day. Identify a safe place during breaks, a person to approach and how staff will respond if something happens again.
- A named contact. Agree who receives new reports and how your teenager can reach them without drawing unwanted attention.
- A follow-up date. Arrange when you will check whether the measures are working. A general promise to talk to the class is not a complete plan.
This is a practical meeting guide, not a statement of identical procedures in every school. If concerns are not addressed, write to school leadership and ask about the escalation process. Afterwards, ask your teenager specific questions such as whether lunch now feels safer, rather than only whether the bullying has stopped.
When it continues online
Impersonation, hostile messages and shared images can extend the experience beyond school hours. Lithuania’s Vaikų linija guidance on online bullying describes these patterns and the role of school support. Your teenager should not have to monitor every post alone.
Keep evidence of ordinary abusive messages, dates and links without circulating it in parent group chats. Report the account or content, use blocking tools and inform the school when its pupils are involved. Reporting guidance explains these steps. Do not copy or forward sexual images of a minor; ask police or the platform safety team how to report the material appropriately.
Support while the school response takes time
Protect ordinary parts of life: a meal together, a trusted friend, a preferred activity where the teenager is treated respectfully. Do not make every evening an investigation. Agree on a short check-in and leave room for conversation about something else.
Seek additional help if sleep, attendance or everyday functioning deteriorates, or if there is self-harm. Read more about responding when a teenager self-harms. For someone under 16, contact a school psychologist, family doctor or age-appropriate child specialist. Iveta’s individual work begins at age 16.
For immediate danger from violence or suicide, or a serious injury, call 112 in Lithuania and the EU, or local emergency services elsewhere. Stay nearby if it is safe. Do not wait for a routine consultation. EU information about 112.
If your child is the person bullying others, clearly stop the behaviour without humiliating them. Work with school staff on responsibility and repairing harm; avoid public shaming or forced reconciliation. Explore respect and boundaries in relationships, and the Lithuanian Vaikų linija parent learning resource for further practical guidance.
Your questions
Questions you may still have
My teenager asks me not to tell anyone. Can I promise?
Promise to listen and involve them wherever possible, rather than absolute secrecy. If safety is at risk, explain what you need to share and with whom. Choosing one trusted member of school staff together can make the first step less daunting.
Should we change schools immediately?
A move is not an automatic first answer. Discuss practical protection and your teenager’s wishes first. A different school may be worth considering if the environment remains unsafe, but the person targeted should not bear responsibility for stopping the bullying.
Should I take away their phone?
Removing a phone alone does not change others’ behaviour and may also cut off supportive friendships. Review privacy settings, reporting and blocking together, and agree on breaks from notifications without framing them as punishment.
The teacher says it is just banter. What can I say?
Describe specific actions, dates and effects, including places your teenager avoids. Ask who will assess the concern and when you will hear back. If there is no meaningful response, contact school leadership in writing.
What if my child is bullying someone else?
Stop the specific behaviour clearly without humiliating your child or labelling them as a bad person. Work with school staff on accountability, repairing harm and learning safer behaviour. Understanding the background does not excuse the harm.
Does Iveta work with children under 16?
Iveta’s individual consultations are for people aged 16 and over. For a younger child, contact a school psychologist, family doctor or an appropriately qualified child specialist. Parents may seek individual support for their own reactions and wellbeing.
Should I act if their school marks are still good?
Yes. Academic performance does not establish that someone feels safe. Listen to what your teenager says and notice changes in relationships and daily routines. There is no need to wait for grades to fall before addressing harmful behaviour.
Sources and further information
- StopBullying.gov. What Is BullyingDefinition: repetition and unequal power. Checked 29 September 2026.
- StopBullying.gov. Support the Children InvolvedProtection, follow-up, avoiding retaliation and forced mediation; reviewed 19 May 2026. Checked 29 September 2026.
- StopBullying.gov. Report CyberbullyingPreserving evidence, platform reporting and blocking. Checked 29 September 2026.
- Vaikų linija. Apie elektronines patyčiasOnline harm, school response and accessible reporting. Checked 29 September 2026.
- Vaikų linija. Mokymai tėvams internetuLithuanian parent education resource. Checked 29 September 2026.
This guide provides general information and does not replace an individual assessment. Illustrations do not depict actual clients.